this is a safe place. i know exactly what you mean. below i am going to put some of my person head cannon into the mix of things. people don’t have to agree with me. this got really long.
i’m going to start with John and how people have started writing/talking about him in a hyper masculine way asshole way. the idea of hyper masculinity it actually really damaging to men. people raise boys telling them not to cry, not to show emotions, to be strong and never show weakness. when bad things happen they bottle it up inside instead of reaching out for help. they are taught to be assholes to get what they want, that the world is there for there taking. we create monsters, with stunted emotions. this is what people are worshiping. why?
why do people want John to be abusive? because thats what we are taught is sexy. we are taught to think a men forcing us is fun. people have put Sherlock in the woman’s role. they have taken his strength, he has done some great hand to hand fighting in the show and made it so he won’t fight back.
to me John is very repressed emotionally. i think he was taught to not cry or show weakness as a child, to keep it all inside. he is very loving and has a strong moral code. he’s not the kind of person who would get enjoyment from hurting someone he loves. even at his angriest in HLV he kicked a table, and kicked it so it couldn’t hurt anyone. the two times he hit Sherlock was party timing and what Sherlock said. i think the first was because Sherlock hit him and John went into attack mode. and the second was because Sherlock mocked his pain and John couldn’t take it. even then he could have done a lot more damage but he didn’t.
John seems like someone who stand on a precipice of anger and control. but since he’s met Sherlock he seems to be doing better. He’s happier less stressed. i see John and Sherlock’s relationship working like a sub/Dom one. while at this point they aren’t having sex John is getting the emotional relief of being a sub to Sherlock who on several occasions has called himself John’s superior. and John treats him that way. i also think Sherlock enjoys being in control and as they enter a sexual relationship that sub/Dom relationship will expand into sex. which will give John even more relief.
on to Sherlock and horrible terms people call him. i just going to say i hate the term twink. most of the gay men i know hate it. i was out with a few friends of mine one night and some random drunk girl called one of them a twink and he got really pissed. i know some club boys self identity as it and thats what they want so ok. but it’s one of them call themselves a twink but if i said it, it’s not. the term ‘gay baby’ will piss me off till the day i die. i have gone over it and defined it, tried to talk to people how horrible it is and they just try to shut me up. all i can do at this point is make my blog a safe place for people who don’t want that kind of stuff on there blog.
the virgin thing, as i have mentioned before virginity is a myth. it was invented to control female sexuality. aka men wanted to keep woman under there thumbs to they told them if they had sex they had sex before marriage they would be unclean and couldn’t go to heaven. the definition in the dictionary is: “the state of never having had sexual intercourse.”. but what about all people who will never have penetrative sex? some people don’t. the truth is there is no medical or biological definition.
here are one links to the myths and how they are debunked. the virginity myth is terrible.
i am very sad that people are forcing virginity on Sherlock. the show has mentioned he’s had sex but they are obsessed with keeping his a virgin and not only a virgin but a crying weak virgin. let me make something very clear. if the person you are about to have sex with isn’t sure they want to continue or if they’re scared, STOP. you are raping them.
now onto bottoming. personally i see John as a bottom but thats just me. i mostly blame it on the fact that the first smut fic i read was a bottom John fic and the image of him being the bottom stuck. while my preference is bottom John top Sherlock i do think they are switch couple, i just don’t read those fic’s.
the problem i see the most on tumblr is people not understanding that bottoming isn’t the automatic sub position. that it isn’t un-masculine to bottom. i know a lot of men who would be so offended if they saw how people talked about bottoming on here. bottoming is about enjoying anal stimulation. thats it.
sub and Dom is about a power exchange. where a sub trust there Dom enough to hand over there power and for that Dom to help them though things. it’s not violent, it’s about helping. in a proper relationship the pair will set the scene to together, talk about what will happen, they will play, and then there will be after care and sometimes cuddling. what ever the two need.
i also want to say (again) some subs bottom, some top, some don’t have penetrative sex. the bottoming and the sub/Dom have nothing to do with the other.
i would love to educate some of these misinformed people about how queer sex actually works, and how the homophobic terms they use hurt people. more then anything i would love to get them into a woman’s studies class. for me a way i stopped using many of those bad tropes was to see how they effected me and other women on a everyday basic. after i saw how they hurt me i would never think of using them against a character.
feel free to ask any more questions
THIS so much all of this.